These days when I doubt myself.

When all efforts I made in the past seem to not matter, for such efforts lead to consequences that are not enough in the eyes of other people. They always say it’s not your job to please others. They were wrong. I’ve come to realize that pleasing people will be inevitable for one’s own survival in this world.

I’m wondering if i still have anything in my system to get through this sem. I have to please my teachers.

August 31, 2014.
Midterms grades.

Aug 31st
#disappointed  #lawschool  

There are moments that leave you effortlessly happy. Moments that leave you with peaceful disposition, enough to keep your mood light for the rest of the night. Moments that come from the simplest of things, moments that remind you that life is good when you least expect it.

August 30, 2014.
Bad day.

Aug 31st  +  1

You again,

I can’t wait for the day when memories of you will start ringing in my head while listening to these crazy cheesy love songs.

I can’t wait for the day I finally hear your voice, reading these letters i’ve been writing since god knows when.

I can’t wait for the day I feel lonely, lonely without your presence. Then happy, happy for the longing has ceased.

I can’t wait.

Eerrrrrr waiting’s cruel.


August 26, 2014 
#lonelynight

Aug 26th
forever thirdwheel. 
sometimes fifth wheel. 
other times 7th wheel.
…3, 5, 7. 
when will i belong to the even number group?
Aug 21st

I am so in love with heartbreak stories.
Care to share yours?

Aug 18th

I wish you knew I exist.

Aug 17th

"i’ve defeated my demons with a little hex i learned in chemistry and my secret: write. when you’re sad, write. when you’re angry, write. when you feel lonely, write. when you lose someone dear to you, write. when you’re bored, write. when you get your heart ripped right out of your chest, write. just write, write, and write. i have learned that you can’t create nor destroy the negative energy crawling inside your wretched veins so turn them into poetry, make them beautiful, generate something good out of life’s misadventures."

f.l., the first law of thermodynamics (via carpels)
Aug 14th  +  29    via baby's breath ― from baby's breath

A metaphor.

Imagine waking up from an all nighter. You were forced to sleep at 6 am in the morning writing a paper due the next day, a routine so familiar to a person who knows procrastination so well. You only had 4 hours of sleep; most likely, you woke up at the wrong side of the bed. Your tummy grumbles, you’re very hungry. Your last meal was more than 12 hours ago. Unfortunately, you can’t even grab a bite, because you woke up late and had to prepare for class that afternoon. So… goodbye meal. You go to school: tummy empty, head throbbing, eyes heavy. You pass your paper. It’s been 13 hours since your last meal. You decide to grab a quick snack, a snack you’ve been craving for weeks. And since your day started bad, it continues to be bad. You had to wait 30 minutes before the food you’ve been craving arrived. 13 hours and 30 minutes with an empty stomach, how heartbreaking. But you finally take a bite, and every bad emotion fleets. Heaven, you’re now happy.

This is what finally meeting you might feel like. Priceless.


August 04, 2014.
Waiting again.

Aug 4th  +  1

Birthdays.

A birthday celebrated during my childhood meant kisses, and hugs and presents from family members. It meant spaghetti with classmates, and ofcourse, a pretty cake with the best icing on top. A visit to the church with the entire family to thank the Lord for another year will never be missed. It always ended with a birthday song, candle lit, a candle blown, and a wish.

A birthday celebrated during my teenage years meant hugs and greetings from family members. It meant text messages from classmates, and of course, calls from relatives from afar. A visit to the church with the entire family to thank the Lord for another year will never be missed. It always ended with a kiss and hug from my parents, and a goodnight’s sleep.

A birthday celebrated yesterday meant greetings from my family members. It meant facebook messages from ”friends”, and a birthday song from strangers I just met. I no longer received calls, but instead got viber messages. A visit to the church was no longer with my family, it was just me and God, talking for some time. It ended with me facing the computer, thanking the virtual world for that day’s messages.

Birthdays used to be so magical.
I guess growing up really is sad.


p.s.
I had an awesome birthday though.
It no longer meant celebrating the day with the world.
It meant celebrating the day with people who matter.
I just wanted to write my observations through the years in a sad tone. :)

July 28, 2014.
21st.

Jul 30th  +  1

you have no idea how much your hugs relieve the bad moments of my life.
and for you to have that much power over me… it scares me.

Jul 29th  +  1
♦FF